Saturday, August 26, 2006
been an insane few days, w/ the up coming practicals and paper one..
glad that all stuff are sort of back to normal.. YAY! really thank God for it..
had a fun cg, sherli talked alot, laughed alot w/ her and her escapades in primary school.. gained insight abt some stuff... it was fun.. unfortunately no guys... gah..
svc is cool.. it lifted my spirits, all of the P&W struck a chord w/in me.. don't know why, it just did.. then had some teaching form jasmine, got to know the ppl in EA better.. yay...
missing the juniors in EB1.. aww, must remember to write postcard for them...
issues, i turn to You.. & 9:26 PM
stuck in reverse ♥
Monday, August 21, 2006
sick of it all.
sick of not making the
freaking mark, of not overcoming the obstacles.
damn.
You MUST help me & 9:34 PM
stuck in reverse ♥
Sunday, August 20, 2006
more than just stuff, i dislike missing breakthrough meetings, urgh.
its been a throughoutly tired and strangely unfulfilling week, cos of all the little things. don't ask me what, for i do not know. i only feel strangely unsatisfied.
laughs that last for a moment, u almost think my life is void.
everything is becoming a routine, and its bad, VERY bad, cos routine makes ppl numb.. loss of passion, loss of fire... gah..
hmmx...
life's mundane, i must get that changed very soon.
help me to become the person i was created to be.Labels: school
& 11:02 PM
stuck in reverse ♥
Friday, August 18, 2006
you got a fast car
i want a ticket to anywhere
maybe we can make a deal
maybe we can get somewhere
anyplace is better
starting from zero, got nothing to lose
maybe we'll make something
but me myself i got nothing to prove
you got a fast car
but is it fast enough so we can fly away
we gotta make a decision
we leave tonight or live and die this way.
- jenn.
very very pretty.
& 9:34 PM
stuck in reverse ♥
Thursday, August 17, 2006
i figure out how i relate to ppl. by their written words. true written words. from the heart. yep.
then feel the regret, understanding, gratitude, and whatever that comes flow through me...
let your words flow, ppl, they touch me in a way u can never imagine.
still same issue, still same issue, still same issue...how to break free???? & 12:30 AM
stuck in reverse ♥
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Come with me.There's a second before big storms, on those impossibly hot days with no wind, when everything goes still. Dust falls back to earth, every tree lifts from it's half-bend of heat, and the world waits for the first drop of rain to fall. It's the fresh smell of ozone that's sharp and the second of realization that something is about to happen. Is happening.
Like...this.
Imgaine a whole novella written like this, this format. i found it, i've had it all along. beautiful, breathtaking. it's definitely worth a read if you enjoy the flow of english words. MAJOR warning about the pairing though, very major. smallville fandom, if you know what it is.
it'll take your breath away, if u appreciate EL the way i do.
WARNING.
& 7:26 PM
stuck in reverse ♥
An assassin has no right to feel. For feeling will get him killed.
An assassin has no right to hesitate. For hesitating will get him killed.
An assassin must show no mercy. For mercy will not be shown to him.
An assassin must never doubt. For doubting will get him killed.
An assassin must feel no pain. For pain does only distract.
An assassin must know the exits always. For searching will get him killed.
An assassin must never be caught. For that would be worse than death.
An assassin must always kill the target, even if the target is shielded by a civilian.
An assassin has no right to feel. For feeling will get him killed.
An assassin has no right to feel. For feeling will get him killed. An assassin never regrets. For regretting will get him killed.
An assassin never makes a mistake. For mistakes will get him caught.
An assassin does not make friends. For that will get him killed.
An assassin does not make friends. For friends are harder to kill.
An assassin has no right to feel. For feeling will get him killed.An assassin has no right to hesitate. For hesitating will get him killed.
An assassin must show no mercy. For mercy will not be shown to him.
An assassin must not miss. For missing will get him killed.An assassin must not love. For loving will get him killed.He could not deny it anymore, no matter how much he tried to. He wanted to get away from here. As much as he loathed to admit it, and as hard as he had fought against it, the wizards had succeeded in showing him that he did feel. They hadn’t taught him to feel, no, he understood that now. He had known how to feel all along. He felt anger. He felt hatred. He felt disgust and revulsion. All negative emotions – but emotions all the same. And his master was filled with emotions too.
So that had to mean that the biggest and most important rule of the assassin was false. It was not possible not to feel anything. Even now, as cold and numb as he felt, they were still feelings. Months and months, he had been with the wizards of the light, and not once had they lifted a hand to harm him. They had been kind and patient from the start, annoying without a doubt, but they had been willing to give him a chance. Now, four, five, days back here and he could not move without hurting. There was something wrong with that.
a small piece of literature i've found. =) . love how the rhythm flows.
& 5:03 PM
stuck in reverse ♥
been sick.. AGAIN. idiotic manx. haix... 39.8 degress. sian..
lagging behind on studies. this is bad, extremely bad. it ain't good at all....
& 12:24 AM
stuck in reverse ♥
Sunday, August 13, 2006
break away. DAMN IT!
& 5:39 PM
stuck in reverse ♥
Saturday, August 12, 2006
here comes disappointment :
dawning horror.. the urge to cry, yet to be strong as well.. the need to believe in the reality that has occurred.. the wait for reality to sink in.. the trust in God that all will turn out well.. the arrow that pierced right into the centre of my heart, to feel the blood flowing. the ache that cries out at the unfairness of it all, the tang of bitterness tat lingers, reminding me of failure...i pray never to experience it all again.
i feel something missing, haven been doing anything for ministry.. i miss them... marcom..
shifted to EA today.. feeling a little hollow, like entering a new sch.. knowing that somehow, the connection that link us will nv be the same.. i love EB!!!
ytd planetshakers was cool.. i learnt 2 things..
1. shern is very caring, even abt the ppl she doesn't know. she cares abt the ppl who do not have space to jump, abt the ppl who are late for the concert. its a side of shern that i've never seen, but exists. look out for it, shern has many good qualities that are hidden. :D
2. Jesus has a way of making things, that are gruesome and broken, beautiful. E.g the cross, ppl. why we wear the cross so proudly when it is a form of torture? cos Jesus made it beautiful, loving. it's a realisation.
why, do some of those who do not know God do better that those who do? it all lies in the actions. those who do not know Him, does what He honours. diligience, perseverance, patience, kindness. we, who are His children, knows what He honours. but do we do it?
i don't, but i'll start today. you?
calling for a breakthru in my life, still same issue, still same pain, struggle and loss. all i have is faith, to do what is right. guide me, won't You? hpdm, hpss,hpdmss,clex.. dadadadadada.. all i entrust to You...calling to be a global christian. i wan to be. learning new stuff abt diff cultures. yes i will.
whining, bitterness, supressing... how, how to be against all of this?
bitter, we can't be. whine, we cannot. supress, it hurts....
it hurts.. & 9:50 PM
stuck in reverse ♥
Friday, August 11, 2006
B3 for chinese, that devastating, i dunno how or what can i do.. it really hurts, i'll describe the immediate feeling of failure next time. i recorded it down. but God is giving me another chance, Distinction for oral... i wanna do it at the end of the year. it's the worst possible feeling..
bitter, whiny or supress.. haix..
PS concert was good. short, but pretty good.
now no time to rave and rant abt life.. tmr morn perhaps..
i need a breakthru, in my life.. oh Lord, you know what it is.. i dunno how to overcome it.. it hurts, to know that it's a mask...Labels: school
& 11:42 PM
stuck in reverse ♥
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
hmm, today had national day, went for quiz and we got first. hah
then went to lestari's hse,,, had an enjoyable time w/ the unit, it was good, cos it is really a rare chance. i'm gonna miss all of them and the wacky insane things we do together. i can't help but think how imperfect we are, and how God's perfect Spirit is the glue that binds us together...
so much stuff to do, so little time, cl results will be out on friday, and i can't bear not getting anything but a1. how? i wan to get A1. if i dun get it, i wonder how i'll be able to celebrate.. it would be hard and harsh. don't, pls don't let me fall, be with me.
tino is sick, haix, so poor thing, i'm worried. chest pain and head pain.. God, may You heal him, may You guide him out of it all, take away the pain, heal his aches and hurts. pls do pray for him, i can't bear to see anyone, any brother or sister close to me in pain, suffering. pray for him pls, & i believe God will do His work according to His ways. intercede for tino.
life ain't smooth, and my cup may run dry, but i know w/ God, i have all i
need.music of the night, angel of music & 1:24 AM
stuck in reverse ♥
Monday, August 07, 2006
i'm gonna rant abt not going to sch again. if only, i want to stay at home all day and not worry abt my studies. haix. then there are other stuff to worry abt, like homework and the quiz that i got myself into. sianz... think i'll make a fool of myself on tat day.
then there's stuff that i said i wouldn't do. haix.
i dunno, anyway i enjoyed saturday's concert. very pretty. me likey.
gah, i'm not concentrating here. all i can think abt is of flutes, wine glasses. vry vry classy and one day i definitely wan to drink frm them. and of course, a private library. i wan a personal library, and i can buy whatever i wan to add to my collection. maybe all of Max Lucado's books. joking. i wan all versions of the Bible. it'll be good to compare translations. and Mercedes Lackey's books. Nicholas Sparks. ahh, the joy of it all.
i wan to learn many languages. French, Spanish, Italian, Latin and maybe Jap. see what comes. i wan to travel, and travel write. go on missions, months on end, the write about it all at the end of it.
learn latin dancing and fencing.
but right now,
champagnage flutes & 12:35 AM
stuck in reverse ♥
Thursday, August 03, 2006
life's insane.
i planned out my schedule for studying and i think shld be able to make it la. get wat i wan, i really hope that it's gonna be gd. nxt wk is a relaxing, yet also tiring wk.
honestly, i can't wait for planetshakers concert. heh. its gonna be extremely cool la.
lots of stuff to do, much little time. ah well.
studyglorify & 9:29 PM
stuck in reverse ♥
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
been writing vry little these days... like writer's block.. haha. life is getting more getting more insane as the days pass, o'lvl and prelims are nearing.. and i dun even know where to start studying lorx.. lol.. not really la.. but its just alot.
i see cg and my spiritual walk increasing.. somehow someway la.. there is a change in the air. extremely amazing.. some major is brewing in the air, that much i know.. sense of expectation, the calm before the storm.. can't wait to see 1000 come to pass, its going to be a beginning...
anyway, this sunday got meeting. i WANNA go. hehe. and planetshakers concert... thats is another one worth going...
hope everything in my timetable goes smoothly.. tmr cg, oh yeah, hope it'll be good...
i'm at my wits' end. i believe a miracle will come soon.
marcom assg all not fulfilled. help me!
growing, i hope. & 8:48 PM
stuck in reverse ♥
